Right, I wrote this one in 2002. I have little recollection of what was going on in my head at the time (just as well!) and this thing was first published on Drownedinsound.com . They have since done away with the Lifestyle section. Bastards.
I will add bits in bold if my views have changed over the past six years or if I feel I need to add anything. SIX YEARS! ARGH THIS ARTICLE IS SIX YEARS OLD! S.I.X. YEARS!!!!!!!!!!
Three Seasonal Thoughts.
Yes, it's that time of year again: HMV are flogging 'romantic' compilations that get you 20% off at Ann Summer's, Clinton Cards' reaching out for entirely new heights of tackiness and florists across the nation are greedily rubbing their hands together.
To this add Gregg’s bakery. A reliable source informs me that they have replaced pretty much all the bread and sausage rolls with horrid heartshaped lumps of gingerbread.
Valentine's Day. Coming to a High Street near you soon. What no one seems to notice is the fact that a large percentage of the population is somewhat single and not quite sure whom to get all these boxes of chocolate and flowers for. As for the singles, they usually come in two designs: There are those who chose to be single and those who didn't. The first group will hate Valentine's Day with a vengeance and call it 'sentimental bullshit for hypocrites' (an expression also applied on Mother's Day and Christmas).
Add to those the people who just don’t care either way. And social imbeciles.
They will rant at every florist they come across and avoid card shops like the plague. The second group of singles, the ones who didn't want to be single in the first place, however, will, despite rather being dead than admitting to do so, pass the florist somewhat melancholic, imagining the possibilities of what is very unlikely to happen, because the Instant Boyfriend/Girlfriend is yet to be invented. One solution for this dilemma is the popular option of getting Valentine's card for your best friend, just so that you can indulge in picking a kitsch and painfully cheesy design (alternatively, there's always the option of pretending you do actually buy the card for a loved one. But that's just sad, so don't even think about it), and, who knows, your best friend might give you a card in return. Not a bad option at all. Only problem being that it's not the real thing and you damn well know that.
Ah I think I was still at uni in 2002. This all sounds awfully studenty. I haven’t actually tried any of those things. Valentine’s cards have little point to them as Christmas cards. More paper in the recycling box.
On a somewhat different note, there are also Valentine's Day obsessives. Obviously these people are a complete nuisance to the single-who-didn't-chose-to-be-single, for the Valentine obsessives are always the ones equipped with some sort of other half (they usually start recruiting around Christmas, just to make sure someone is going to be around in February), and that other half tends to be sickeningly like-minded. These people will spend Valentine's Day in crowded restaurants and cinemas. Nothing wrong with that. If only the Valentine obsessives would shut the fuck up and stop rambling on about just how wonderful this year was going to be. They're allowed to ramble at each other, it's just very unpleasant for their single friends to hear about it. So please keep that in mind, otherwise you might end up friendless by March.
On second thoughts, people like that had no friends in the first place!
Personally, I don't really care about Valentine's Day in the first place. It's grossly over-rated and most people don't make that much of a big deal of it (as a matter of fact, the only things I ever got for Valentine's Day was a green plastic egg cup from a then-boyfriend and a red rose from a then-best-friend), thank God for that. Still, from a commercial point of view, I'm all for banning Valentine's Day from our shelves and shops, because I personally wouldn't buy a heartshaped pillow or novelty picture frame for anyone, not even my worst enemy.
Oh dear, the green egg cup. This was about 12 years ago now and I still have no idea what was up with that egg cup or what happened to it.
And whilst you’re at it, why not do away with Christmas and Mother’s Day as well.
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