Good morning, I’m ringing about this flat in Whetstone you’ve got advertised ….
No, we’re updating our web site!
Okay. Er, the one for £155 a week.
I SAID, we’re UPDATING OUR WEBSITE! What are you looking for?
A flat. In N12 or N20. Like the one you have advertised.
Are you not listening? We’re updating our web site!
Does that mean you haven’t got that one any more?
No, now are you going to tell me what you’re looking for or not?
A flat in N12 or N20, LIKE the one you no longer have!
Only one I got is £230 a week!
I have had many conversations like this one in the past couple of weeks. Estate agents are complete cunts. I knew that already. But I didn’t realise they got worse. Now they’re advertising flats as Unfurnished and then refuse to take out the manky old sofa bed, table and chairs and horrible pine cupboard that’s already in there. Their ages seem to average out at 19. Like the one whose phone went off with some gangster rap ringtone during the viewing of a ‘lovely, cosy, good size studio’ (6ft by 6ft). It’s the missus. She hates that ringtone..I am not surprised. It sucks!. This is after he spent ten minutes trying to open the door to the flat and I had to help him prop the door up in the end. That little shit probably earns twice as much as I do. And he has a nice car and a little polyester suit.
These people enjoy nothing better than laughing in your face when you inform them of your budget. A studio is now the price a two-bedroom flat was a year and a half ago. I shit you not. Presumably landlords are freaking out over the supposed property price crash and rising interest rates and have decided to take this out on those who can’t afford to actually buy anything. Nice one. But don’t you laugh in my fucking face when I am offering you my business. And for God’s sake, stop patronising me like I’m some kind of imbecile. And don’t call me on my mobile three times in a row going ‘Ah, hello? Is that Mrs Vergho?’. Firstly, you spoke to me five minutes ago on the same number. Secondly, this is a mobile phone. They’re likely to be answered by their owners and thirdly, what gave you the right to assume I was married?
And don’t say you can do a viewing at 6pm and then go on and on about how inconvenient this is for you and how you have so many better things to do. Either you can do this time or you cannot. You said you could, so stop fucking guilt-tripping me. You’re an estate agent. You need people like me.
And don’t get me started on your trick photography of studio flats. You appear to be using a self-timing camera that’s sunk in a hole in the wall, facing some kind of mirror. How else could you give the impression a 6ft by 6ft hell hole was ‘large’?
And why instruct five different agencies to find you a tenant? The same two flats have appeared on the usual property web sites up to 10 times. This is very frustrating. I have seen both of them already. One was the 6ft by 6ft joke, the other wasn’t all that nice either. I used to live in the same house, I know these flats well. Could someone take them off these web sites, please? It’s confusing me.
So thanks to you and your inflated prices, I am currently thinking about taking on a flat I can barely afford. And it’s not even in the location I had in mind. I’ll be spending nearly half my wages on rent. How can a fucking studio be 700 quid a month plus bills AND be in Band C for council tax?
Your arrogant demeanour has had me in tears of frustration, I have lost sleep over bastards like you. You make me feel very small and like I am at your mercy. I don’t understand. I have a good job (for fuck’s sake, I’m a civil servant, I should be every letting agent’s dream!), my wages are okay (or so I thought!) and I’m trying to give you money. Why do you hate me so much?
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