Bye

My mum just told me you died in an accident. I never thought I’d be googling your name to find out how and why you died. I last saw you briefly over ten years ago. You were wearing multicoloured leggings and were dressed like a rubbish knight for a re-enactment weekend my friend had dragged me to. We ended up getting a lift in the same car home. It was raining heavily and the girl driving momentarily lost control and we nearly crashed into a tree. I hope you did not die in a car crash.

I first noticed you buying chocolate milkshakes from the caretaker at school. I was nearly 15 I think. You were two years above me, hanging out with a guy who, by some bizarre fluke, now works in the same place as my dad. I thought you were quite cool. Somehow, my friend (who didn’t even go to our school) found out I had a bit of a crush on you and engineered a chance encounter one evening. All very juvenile but heck, we were 15. Next came the dubious notion of ‘why don’t I help you with your homework’. Somehow we ended up going out for a little while. People found this hilarious, because, on the face of it, you were not at all cool. You had a tie-dyed jacket, for goodness sake. And almost long hair. You also collected dice. And actually enjoyed listening to Chris de Burgh. Combine this with bottlegreen jeans (this was the mid 90s after all) and you have an ill-styled ueber-geek. Albeit, I did think you were great. Do you still have my East 17 album, by the way?

And you and your friend took me from the school carnival to a hilltop overlooking town in the middle of the night and demonstrated to me how one smokes weed. I felt terribly grown-up. The fact your then stoned friend drove us back to school was probably not so good. You also took me to a rave. I hated every minute of it and your dancing was shit. But, I still thought you were the best thing ever.

I can’t even remember exactly why you dumped me. I do remember getting very upset at first, then I was gutted and then I drank a lot. I’d never been going out with anyone before, let alone get dumped. You went to another school soon after, but I saw you around every now and then, blending into ‘the people you see around’ – this happens when you’re 15, people come and go.

I had not seen you since this knight-re-enactment weekend thing, but I did sometimes wonder what had happened to you. Now you’re gone forever. Google informs me you invented a special smoke alarm and won a prize for it. There is even a photograph of you getting an award for. Taken this year. Oddly, you have the same haircut you always had. Now you’re dead and I don’t even know what happened to you. I hope it was quick and painless and there was no time for you to get scared.